Today’s question was on the surface about pegging, but went deeper than that… pun intended 😉. The poster was a submissive asking about getting into the dominant mindset. It’s somewhat embarrassing to admit as a feminist just how much kink preferences fall on strictly gender normative lines. Nothing wrong with liking what we like, but maybe this is why playing with dynamics can feel great for a man. The typical roles often leave them feeling unwanted - like they have to do all the pursuing, all the displays of desire. A bit of role reversal can open up new ways entirely of relating to each other.

Those of y’all and your partners who are into it, how do you get into the mindset for it?
It being p(egg)ing. My partner loves it and wants it more in our sex life when I see him but I just struggle to get into the dominant mindset.

I really enjoy being switchy, so might be able to help.

The pleasure of caretaking, like when you cook his favorite meal, is a great mindset start. He doesn’t have to tell you how, you just know what he needs before he even knows it, and so you can take charge and let him relax for that little while as a special treat. Here I speak gently yet firmly. You take gentle care of him for the first part, as that part does take your full concentration and responsiveness to his needs.

As you get past that critical moment, the next is wildly wonderful. Leaning in to dominance, enjoying and exploring that because it is different than the submissive part of you. For me at this point it’s more about words; I play around with the words I’m telling him and telling myself to find what’s the right fit for that moment. And he may suggest a role play dynamic at this point as well.

At times my attention turns to the empowering visual. Sometimes he is bent over in a pose akin to worship - or like a queen placing her foot on the back of a kneeling subject. Savor what feels fun to explore, move on when it’s not the right fit.

Sounds of pleasure and encouragement on both sides are also great catalysts for an enjoyable experience. Lock eyes and both savor those moments when you say in words, tone or body that you are taking him, as he is the object of your desire.

Enjoy exploring!